Postal interview alert!
FACT: Jon Langford was a founder member of the Human League.
Fact: John (Philip) Brennan shaves 11 times a day.
Fact: John Hyatt has one enormous giant hand and one normal-sized hand.
Fact: If you haven’t heard the screaming geetar-noise pop of the Three Johns and liked it, no, loved it, then – I must be frank – something is lacking in your life.
The Three Johns alphabet
A is for Abstract Records
“Level-headed, non-wholemeal independent home of gifted young politicos (attractive), ready to compete with Marillion on the doorstep of Jonathan King’s 1986 ugliness revival”. “Two interested, tolerant, fun people”. “Capitalist scum”. (see Pop Music)
B is for Beefheart
A person worth listening to. He is much better than everyone.
C is for Crowther
“Indeed”. “Exhumed face of insidious corporate TV fascism”. “Ex-host of Crackerjack (a very old chap)”.
D is for drum machines
“Drummers are often terminally mis-represented as loud, ugly, stupid drunks whereas they can often be very fat, loud, ugly, stupid drunks”. “They need paying and stuff”.
E is for Elvis
“Oh, if only he hadn’t gone in the army ..” Called his betters ‘Sir’. DON’T go and see Martin Shaw as him in Are You Lonesome Tonight?
F is for fanzines
“The voice of the streets”. “Erm …” “Punk trainspotters manuals”. Please buy BZAG, WOOLY MAMMOTH, and THE DEVIL’S MUSIC as we have vested interests.
G is for Geldof
“Tell it like it is, Bob”. “Sour grapes – who are we to criticise the greatest living creature in the history of the universe?” Eat the rich!
H is for Heseltine
(see Tories) RESIGN! SUCKER! (I got this interview back the day after he actually did resign. Doubtless they would have had more to say on the matter if they’d known …)
I is for Indies
(see Abstract Records) Hello Ron Johnson, In-Tape, Vinyl Drip, Vindaloo and SIN. Buy anything on these labels twice. “Not just the hunting ground of old men with few ideas, fat wads and brightly coloured spectacle frames”.
J is for Jesus freaks
“Who?” “Wasn’t he the tuba player in the Sosters of Murphy?”
K is for Kinnock
(see Crowther) Vote for Shakin Stevens! (“No hope for blacks and women”).
L is Leeds
NB Leeds 6 – “Gothic twilight world”. “Home of some stupid bastards”.
M is for Men Like Monkeys
Third release for the Three. A 12-inch EP about the gap between democracy and technology – now deleted but … now available on They Shall Not Pass, the CNT compilation LP released by Abstract.
N is for Norbert Naxwell
“The only man who puts his eyebrows on in the dark”. (see Lesley Crowther). “Every picture sells a Tory”. Chris Dean (see Tories).
O is for Orwell
“A confused writer, mis-read by Tories and opportunists” (see Tories).
P is for pop music in the charts
We play pop music and have nearly been in the charts!
Q is for quizmasters
(see Lesley Crowther) (see Tories).
R is for racism
Institutional and accepted (see Tories). “Blind fear from blinkered bigots” (see Norbert Naxwell). Irish jokes (see Quizmasters). The Labour Party (see Kinnock).
S is for the Square Thing
Total conformity (see Tories).
T is for Tories
“Smiling lap dogs of corporate capitalist concerns”. “Monetarist pragmatists dragging this country and the world into hopeless, useless decay”. The ruling class. Thugs. Members of the SDP and the NF. Paranoid cretins.
U is for the USA
“A great little rock’n’roll country” (see Tories). Lots of astronauts and cowgirls.
V is for a woman called Victoria Gillick
Shares with M Thatcher the term ‘non-woman’. “She is breeding the future generation and perpetuating standards we wish to see abandoned forever” (see Tories).
W is for Wogan
“Ex member of the Irish Communist Party and all round world leader”.
X is for ecstasy
A word with ‘E’ as its first letter.
Y is for Yeah Yeah Noh
Couldn’t you think of another word beginning with ‘Y’?
Z is for Zionism
Begin was a NAZI (!)
[This interview was first published in Airstrip fanzine in May 1986]