We are all prostitutes

JANUARY can just go and fuck itself. It is a non-month. Barely anything happens, apart from shit stuff. It’s cold. We’re skint. I’m miserable. It’s rubbish.

I understand that there are worse things going on in the world, that many people have a much harder time of it than me and I probably don’t have it so very bad, really, but as far as I’m concerned, the idea of getting enthusiastic about anything in January is just a stupid, crappy joke in poor taste.

In this long, dark recession of the soul, there is no light at the end of the tunnel. We’re in it for the duration. Doom. Gloom. Woe.

Stick me in a box in the airing cupboard with some straw and a couple of carrots until, I dunno, May or something. It’s better for all concerned.

You might have noticed that Expletive Undeleted is now a part of something called the Vice Blogging Network. They’ve linked me up and feature selected stories from the listed blogs on the main Vice site. There’s also some talk of guesties for Vice events and maybe even some paid work if we are very, very good. In return they ask me to flag up two or three suggested stories a week.

I’m not entirely sure how enthusiastic I’d be about that at the best of times, and it’s probably not going to be do-able more than once a month, but I’m going to wait and see how it turns out.

The fact is, the content in the magazine and online is about a billion times more interesting than many blogs and a lot of mainstream media. The spirit of Gonzo is alive and more or less well in the shape of ViceTV’s excellent documentaries. So I am very happy mildly ambivalent to recommend you watch the Vice guide to Liberia and an interview with Noam Chomsky.

I can’t say I’m overjoyed at the blog being one of about 200 on the VBN list, I’m not sure I’d actually want to go to a Vice party (I imagine they’re like those daft Skins parties but with more anal sex) and I’m absolutely not going to plug a city-by-city what’s-on iPhone application I can’t actually use myself, but I am willing to prostitute myself and the blog this one time at least.

Other than that, if you’re looking for chuckles, I’d have a look at the blogroll on the right. I’d particularly recommend Sheena Beaston, Carboot Radio, Bagging Area, Just Press Play and The Acid House. And lovers of big bitches should also head over to It’s a Blog Not a Log for some serious hot Blue action.

While you do that, you might want to listen to some genuine post-punk brilliance. Almost Red by Killing Joke features on Bustin’ Out, the first of a series of compliations focussing on the time between punk rock and acid house. Post punk goes disco – but in a very different way to PiL. More info on the album here.

‘Interestingly’ enough, this particular tune took me a couple of years to track down in the first place, but you lot get it with a couple of clicks on a mouse.

Needless to say, I’m not sure if I approve.

[Picture at the top of this post taken from the fantastic Star Wars Toys Doing What They Do Best]



Filed under expletive undeleted, hyperbole

10 responses to “We are all prostitutes

  1. Oh I like your new grumpy old bastard persona. And you’re not fooling anyone…I’m sure you are still like a stoned toddler (ie daft and giddy) most of the time.

  2. Thank you Foxy. Your stoned toddler remark got a big laugh from the missus for some reason .. xx

  3. Not to worry, January is nearly done. February is supposed to be tropical I hear.
    Been pretty inspired by the amount of good music released in Jan, bodes well for a good year.

  4. Thank you for your optimism James. Unfortunately, while the glass might be half full, it is half full of sour milk.

    New music sounds old, old music sounds new. Everything is rubbish. I think I’m going to stick with James Last.

    Anyone In The Mood For Trumpets?

  5. Seeing as you’ve just made your long-overdue appearance on the social hell-fest that is Facebook (no doubt suppressing your deep-rooted Scunthorpian Luddite tendencies) long dark nights and days of shitty weather could be happily spent posting witty comments, embarrassing holiday photos, playing Mafia Wars and looking up old school friends that used to bully you and call you 4-eyes… that’s what it’s there for! Go to it!

  6. The Ex are playing in town tonight and I’m skint.

    I’m trying to put together a film on iMovie and some idiot prick bastard Mac-monkey twat managed to both wipe the stuff I’ve done already and fuck up iMovie, Quicktime and Real Player so they crash every time I click onto a file.

    I tried to transfer files to another Mac but they’re too big to email, file-share or stick on a pen drive. I’m gonna lose about a week with this shit.

    I am not a happy bunny.

    I think it’s best if I stay away from Facebook for the time being. But thank you so fucking much for your input Dallas. I do value it.

  7. linda

    Yeah, stay away from facebook! It’s run by fascists (even though I have an account but I never said I wasn’t a fascist myself). Got the same blues you have. Vitamin D. Which gives me horrible nightmares but might work for you?
    Thanks for the links and sorry to be missing from the blog, up to my neck with artsy fartsy stuff. I’ll be back.

  8. Hey Linda, good to hear from you. This time of year always does my head in. I suppose it could be worse.

    I may well try that vitamin D thing – although just getting some fucking work in would probably do just as well.

    Aaaaand relax.

    I will stop by your place at some point. I’m trying to avoid commenting on anything at the moment. If you don’t have anything positive to contribute and all that ..

    Everything will be better soon, I’m sure.

  9. linda

    Hey, I understand, don’t worry about commenting.
    Try the D really. I go through this every year too, last year I was better at taking D and didn’t even notice winter. This year? Keep forgetting to take it and a mess. The work front doesn’t look good here either. Sorry you are going through this.

  10. Shit happens Linda, I’ll just build a big old bridge and get over it. But thanks for the concern! And I will check out that vitamin D thing. I hope your work situation improves too. We’re too talented to languish in poverty! Well, you’re too talented at least ..

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